#I'm sorry that's the best I've got
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IPS/BIL AU where Tain dies before he can send the message. Garak and Worf never go to the gamma quadrant. Julian and Martok don't get rescued.
Back on DS9 the changeling is stopped pretty much just as it was in canon, with Kira and Dax managing to stop the Yukon from reaching the sun, just as it explodes. (Maybe since Garak is still on the station, he notifies Sisko that Bashir has taken the Yukon out?) This time, however, no-one knows it was a changeling, and among all the shock and grief, there's tense speculation about what the hell Julian was doing out there in a runabout with a bomb.
The changeling had planned to never be identified, believing it would sow more confusion and fear in the Federation if they believe one of their own had been secretly allied with the Dominion. And so the changeling had left behind a trail of "Julian" interacting with highly questionable locked-down message-boards such as "Would enhanced individuals be better off under the Dominion?", which would never have been tracked back to him apart from under such scrutiny he's now post-humously receiving. (The changeling knew about Julian's enhancements - to become something is to understand that thing, after all.)
Of course, it is considered whether Julian may have been impersonated by a changeling, but once the link to his enhancements has been revealed - and his parents can't hide it, they confess, and are sentenced to time in a penal colony - it seems very much decided that Doctor Bashir had become an augment extremist, biding his time on DS9 until he could play out his part in the Dominion plot. There's varying levels of acceptance of this among Julian's friends - even if it seems that they have to admit it, it's still almost impossible to believe that Julian could have tried to do that. But it doesn't really matter what they think - life has to go on, and the war's continuing whether they like it or not, and little by little they move on with their now-Julian-less lives.
Time passes. they get a new CMO. The Cardassians re-occupy the station, and Sisko leads the campaign to get it back. Worf and Jadzia get married. Garak gets a message.
A.L.I.V.E. J.S.B.
And no-one knows what to think. JSB can't be... can it? But how...
Garak argues that Doctor Bashir's death is so well-known that no-one would use his name as the basis for some sort of trap. Miles agrees. Everyone else wants to agree. (For a certain definition of 'want'. Julian being alive, not a traitor... that also means he's been doing somewhere in the past ten months, and it's difficult to think about what sort of awful place that might have been.)
Garak and Worf are sent out to chase this signal - in theory, it's recon, but naturally it quickly devolves. They get captured themsleves, finding Camp 371 and Julian, looking ten months worse for wear. Garak learns about Tain's death, and the subspace transmitter he'd began working on and that they'd only just been able to finish, having managed to recruit a recently-abducted Starfleet engineer. An engineer who's currently in solitary, leaving them with a plan to escape now there's a runabout in orbit, but no way to effect it. Unless there's something Garak can do...
And Worf, of course, meets Martok, and is impressed by the Klingon's tale of daily fights for nearly three years. "Almost every day," Martok corrects him. "There have been times when I've woken up with a sore head to find that the doctor has taken my place."
Worf looks to Julian, nodding. "So you are the man we remember," he says. "Your enhancements may have helped you fight, but it was an honourable thing to volunteer."
"My... my enhancements?" asks Julian faintly. "What- what do you mean?"
"Commander, is now really the time—" Garak tries to interrupt but Julian speaks over him.
"No, Garak, I want to know��� I-I need to know. What do you mean, Worf?"
And Worf, in his short, succinct way tells Julian how they had believed he had died, and what they had discovered thereafter, and while they know now that he is not an augment extremist, his parents' confession made it clear that he is an augment.
Julian doesn't say very much after that, apart from what is needed to help with the rescue - he calms Garak down, he volunteers to try and figure out what needs doing in the crawl space ("I've learnt at least a few things from tinkering with it over those seven months...") - but otherwise, he's withdrawn and spacey. Garak perserveres - he must get Julian back to DS9, has to hope there's still time to rekindle that light in his doctor's eyes - and manages to get them out, and even locking onto the engineer's life sign in solitary. They make it to the runabout, and escape.
It's a very different sort of homecoming. This time, rather than having only a few hours to get used to the idea that Julian had been missing for a month, they've been mourning him for almost a year, angry and confused and left with so many questions. And they've had almost a week of wondering what's become of Worf and Garak, and to tie themselves in circles wondering if J.S.B really could be Julian Subatoi Bashir.
Garak gets them all beamed directly to sickbay, and it's obvious that Julian's overwhelmed enough by that without having hordes of emotional friends come to greet him. So they're allowed in, one at a time. Miles petitions to be first, and wraps Julian up in what would have been the firmest of hugs - apart from Julian's so gaunt, so... fragile, that Miles find he dare not squeeze too hard. Words gush out - ones that he'd never have thought he'd admit out loud - about how much he missed Julian and how glad he is none of what they said was true, and it takes him some time to realise that he's been blabbering on and Julian's not been saying a word.
Julian has been clinging onto him tightly, though, and that... that's got to be enough, for now.
#Ughhhh endingsssss#I'm sorry that's the best I've got#The trouble with making things ten times worse for Julian is you get to the point where he just kind of ... breaks#And I have trouble imagining the very long road to recovery he'd surely need after this...#(Though if I was writing this properly I think I'd go with a long period of being involuntarily non-verbal)#(followed by some accidental age-regression when spending time with Keiko and Miles and Molly and Yoshi)#(where kind of becomes fixated on one of Yoshi's toys left on the floor and the part of him that longs for escape just takes over)#(idk)#anyway hi i'm back on my bullshit!#julian bashir#julian au concepts#andi writes#my trek musings#wsb#i should be in bedddd 😅😅😅#please like this it took me way too long to write XD#sorry i didn't properly cover the garak but it just didn't turn out that way
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you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah
#sorry i got really into my feelings about mark hoffman again#the very specific version of him in my brain that i really really wish i had the time and energy to properly share with you guys#saw#well until i muster the energy to explode all of my feelings out into a fic. if you want to TRY and understand#know that my three biggest hoffman fic insps right now are as follows#your best kept secret hoffman. a series of mistakes hoffman. and rushed like a dreadful wind hoffman.#there is a very clear throughline just know i am extremely emotionally compromised rn#thinking about theee fics vs the canon path hoffman spirals down#something something the absolute tragedy of watching a man's descent into madness#the transformation of a man into a monster#and what could have saved him from himself and kramer's corruption#sorry i'm rambling so much oh my god i was just having such a crying fit out of nowhere about this#do you think he could feel it happening. do you think he was aware he was losing his mind.#the script version of him fucks with me so bad. the crazed rankings and the longer hair and him not being well kept anymore#it's impossible to think he didn't know he was deteriorating#fuuuck okay i need to either chill or write a whole longfic rn#i project on that guy so much i truly don't know if i could properly write my vision of him#until i do something more substantial the full extent of my hoffman exists for me and my boyfriend only. they get me like no one else#well ginny and jenna also get me. please read best kept secret and a series of mistakes Oh My God#where am i going with this. i like tag rambling actually this is a nice way to do it without forcing EVERYONE to read my delirium#anyways if you've read all of this i think i love you? feel free to dm me about hoffman and my very specific headcanons and aus#maybe soon i'll try and start writing my fics about this tragic man#i could never say any of this on twitter btw they'd string me up for my opinions on him as a sad wet beast who could have been fixed#if only he hadn't been weaponized first#god i'm too tired to even be as embarrassed about this as i should be. thought i unlearned cringe already#but i've been spending way too much time on twitter and they HAAATE hoffman there#rip. i know it's not that serious but i'm sensitive rn and hate feeling lonely in my thoughts#ok bye for real otherwise i'll never shut up. i might tag ramble more often bc this was therapeutic in a way i needed badly#cat chat
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Pages from trying to keep a little sketchbook-scrapbook type thing going for two weeks lol. I gave myself specific rules in hopes they might all end up more cohesive/consistent seeming, but alas, scribbly chaos reigns, it seems
#sketchbook#scrapbook#Actually I feel like these are kind of incomprehensible in photo form like.. In person holding the book its easy to look at#but as images on this scale I feel like there's so much tiny little text and small scribles and stuff you'd have to 'right click > open#image in new browser tab > zoom in' just to actually really see the thing. which for 7 images is excessive lol.. so. probably not the best#medium for sharing really but. I suppose I thought they might look cooler lined up next to each other. The whole part of using a#limited color palette is so that maybe they kind of seem to have more consistent color schemes or something throughout. but I dont#know if they look all that 'related' or not. I think these types of challenges I have always sucked at because I am a being of clutter and#excess. I can't just do like one little simple nice looking design and have that Crisp Neat calligraphy with evenhanded perfect lines#and perfect symmetical composition and etc. etc. Like some poeple post very aesthetically clean and cohesive looking sketch#pages or something but I simply cannot hold back the brain impulse to add more. more. more. Fill every single blank space with color#or a little drawing or a sticker or something. I take away 500 things and there are still a million there. Even when I thik I'm being#'simplistic' I'm still usually being 2x more complicated and cluttered than the standard or whatever lol. I guess thats clear from my#outfits/costumes though too. Like whatever that saying is from that person about something like 'before you leave the house take off one#more accessory. you dont need it' for me is like.. 'before you leave the house. add 10 more accessories. and 6 more layers. and another'#AAANyway. I wonder if also maybe some people would try to plan theirs in a way to look good or something or like.. plot things on the page#before placing them. I did sometimes have a theme for a day kind of (like day 10 I ended up finding a few gold and green things and then#was like.. hey... what if I looked for a few other things and only used these colors today') but aside from that I was just slapping down#stickers randomly and working around them to fill the page. Maybe a lot of neat minimalistic asthetic design is about planning and#having a Vision set ahead of time. instead of just complete random whatever. doodling whilst watching youtube videos or eating lunch. It's#a miracle actually I've managed to not spill any food on the book the whole time. anyway.. I do wish the highlighter really showed up. the#scanner kind of makes the colors look VERY different to irl. But also it got much clearer images than just camera pictures of pages. alas..#..Still oddly enjoy the phrase 'Salisbury Steak gently kissed with industrial pollutants'#probably my favorite section of 'gluing random papers and things onto the page' lol#Also I wonder if it's super obvious that I literally never ever use references when I draw (save for the few freakish looking youtube#face sketches) since everyone is always in the same positions and looking very similar ghhb. This could have been a good opportunity to#work on not solely drawing from my mind and try to do more Dynamic Experimental scribbles. NO. Same exact eye for the 90th time#be upon ye. But I guess it was meant to be casual 'daily doodles'. True 'practice' would make it seem too effortful like a full project. hm#(lol the one decimated pencil in the set... never hand me a writing utensil. i will passively destroy it somehow. shaving the sides of a#pencil off with a knife or snapping a pen in half as a nervous fidget without even realizing i've done it. sorry to the drawing implements)
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unhinged concept (I'm entering that stage): Lucilla actually does adopt Geta and Caracalla which ruins Acacius's life but also makes him their step-father and they finally get an actual father figure who teaches them how the fuck to hold swords and not be the worst people ever.
and we just cancel Macrinus entirely, which, I don't know what the hell happens to Lucius but that's someone else's unhinged concept to worry about.
And we put Caracalla on a leash because the boy cannot behave. That's no way to treat your mother
#I'm sorry I just finished the movie AGAIN with a friend and#this is the best thing I've got left in me#I think if Acacius just makes ONE MORE sacrifice#everyone benefits and none of the rest of this has to happen#I recognise family dinners will be horrible#but you can fix them#I believe in you#gladiator 2#also wdym this isn't what royal adoption means#of course it is#I know what an adoption is
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Kon fan! I haven't had the chance to read much of his later stuff but early on? Yea absolutely he talked like that.
One of my favorite panels with him is from this spinoff series he had in the 90s (Superboy and the Ravers) where he joins an illegal interdimensional space rave and has some adventures with the people he meets there. One such friend comes out as a gay man, and another starts being loudly homophobic about it. To which Kon's immediate response is just "why are you being so uncool about this?"
And now the idea that Kon's first response to bigotry is to call the offender a wet rag lives in my head rent free.
Oh my god I love this so much. You heard it from Superboy himself - homophobia is uncool!
Also the way he talks is, like, absolutely incredible. The more I read the more I love him:
This is TRUE comic book writing. This is TRUE allyship. This is the man Cass chose for her first comphet relationship for a reason!
(Panels from Superboy & The Ravers #19)
#kon el#conner kent#superboy#superboy: 'homophobia is cringe actually'#and he's right#thank you anon!!! the best comic panel i've ever seen#am i about to become a kon fan#'we got help comin' out the yin-yang' i'm going to quote that everyday#ask#sorry i'm backed up on asks i will get to all of them soon i swear!!
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Do you have a group discord server? If others want to chill and interact with you. Just wondering
That aside just hoping you’re doing okay Blastic. Still, if you’re not your gotta a lot people care about you.
I look forward to seeing how the rest of the game goofs.
—goofball anon
I don't and sadly I don't think I will make one. It would be fun to interact with people who enjoys my work and wants to chat with me but I just feel it would be too much work for me to handle a discord server. So at least for now I'm not planning to make one.
#and how I've been doing??#there been ups and downs#maybe bit better?? At least compared to what it was when this month started#I felt so numb for some reason#I just wanted to lie in bed and do nothing because nothing was making me happy. Not even drawing or playing games#I do still get these kind of days but it hasn't been that bad and I have got some amount motivation back to draw again at least#wanting to play games though still have been very low#but I'm taking small steps#I'm also sorry for not having much good news and that I've been so quiet nowadays#I just been struggling a lot what to say and anxiety isn't making things any easier#but I want to thank everyone who are still here hanging around and enjoying my work#even though I have these struggles I'm happy that you guys still want to support me<33 Thank you<33#not sure did I word these right but I tried my best#and I will also do my best not to give up and keep on going 🌱#ask#anon
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I’m gonna be honest I didn’t realize the new 52 messed with Kon that much till I read your post and now I can’t get over the potential. I’m a Tim/Kon girly at heart so I would devour anything you write exploring the 52 vs typical Kon. Also Time being in a clone sandwich is 👌.
the new-52 messed Kon up SO bad it's ridiculous. like, to the point i would personally argue he's a completely unrelated character to pre-Flashpoint/Rebirth Kon. his personality, his suit, his origin, all different. the only real similarities are the name and powerset. and even New-52!Kon's powers are slightly different from pre-Flashpoint!Kon. New-52!Kon is a clone of a future version of Jon Lane Kent, cloned by N.O.W.H.E.R.E. to provide genetic material to Jon Lane Kent, whose body was not handling being half human/half Kryptonian well, it was a whole thing. New-52!Kon is also where we get the infamous "Kon-El means 'abomination of the house of El' and Kara basically named him a slur in Kryptonian culture" tidbit, because that is the only time that's canon. (originally Kon-El was a name gifted by Clark to accept Kon as his family way back in the 90s) he also never went by Conner Kent. New-52!Kon just straight up didn't have any real human identity or connections, outside of being very close to Tim and some Titans.
the very TLDR of Kon's history is: during post-Crisis/pre-Flashpoint, a clone called Superboy is created by CADMUS. at first, he's considered to be a clone of a dude named Paul Westfield and is not Kryptonian whatsoever, he was simply made to look like Superman and only has Tactile Telekinesis as a power. then, it was made canon that actually he was a clone of Lex Luthor and Clark Kent, but Lex hid this fact and slowly, Kon developed more Kryptonian powers. he's given the name Kon-El by Clark, and is taken in by the Kents, getting the name Conner Kent. then Flashpoint happens, we get the New-52, and we're given the above version of Kon-El, who is a clone of Jon Lane Kent, created by N.O.W.H.E.R.E. who has mostly very strong telekinesis powers and some Kryptonian powers. he's with the Titans for a bit, then at the end of the New-52, he kills some aliens and feels bad about it so he decides to fuck off and is never seen again, it's presumed he's dead but never confirmed. then Rebirth happens and DC makes Jon Kent the current Superboy, we get Supersons and all that, and it's assumed that no version of Kon-El exists. just at all. he's not around whatsoever, Jon is our only Superboy. *but* in 2019, we get a new Young Justice run and the pre-Flashpoint Kon-El is back, and we're given the explanation of: Kon got accidentally teleported to this alternate realm called Gemworld and then Flashpoint happened, and since that was a Crisis Event that changed the timeline, the poor lad got *erased* from the timeline, causing most people to *not fucking remember him* and for him to remember a timeline that no longer exists. some of the Young Justice team vaguely remember him, Ma and Pa Kent remember him, but notably, Clark *does not remember him*. it's not an issue of "Clark ignored Kon in favor of Jon" it's an issue of "Kon was erased from the timeline and didn't exist for years bc he was stuck in Gemworld and Clark just doesn't remember Kon or Kon's timeline" which to me, is far more tragic but i digress. since then, Kon has been back and is present in most significant Superfamily runs, with his own recent mini-series, Superboy: Man of Tomorrow. (which was very good btw)
so basically: the New-52 fucked Kon up so bad they wrote him out of comics for years and then brought back the pre-Flashpoint version, but never *explicitly* killed the New-52 version off. so hypothetically, it's possible that there are currently two characters existing in the DC universe named Kon-El who have been Superboy. and like i said above, one of New-52!Kon's only real significant relationships was with Tim, it was the only thing the New-52 managed to get right about Superboy, his closeness to Tim. they have a *lot* of moments that read incredibly queer. and ofc, it's just outright confirmed in Dark Crisis: Young Justice that Tim had a crush on pre-Flashpoint!Kon at some point. so while comics are intent on pretending New-52!Kon doesn't exist, i am intent on putting Tim in a clone sandwich.
because i do think it's fun to play with Tim having genuine feelings and potentially a relationship with both of them. and the fucked up nature of him not fully *remembering* his relationship with pre-Flashpoint!Kon (which is a canon thing, in YJ(2019) Tim has vague memories of Kon he's struggling to piece together and understand why he cares about this guy he doesn't recognize so much) and how frustrating that is for Tim. he knows he loves Kon, but it's all foggy besides that. and so it's even *more* fucked up if Tim dated New-52!Kon before he got emo and ran off into the unknown. obviously in canon no one has told current Kon about New-52!Kon bc comics are doing the good ol' tried and true of "sweep that shit under the rug" but for fanfic, i think it's fun to ask the question of: would anyone *tell* Kon? especially Tim? who now remembers dating both versions of them? would he admit to Kon that briefly, he had another Kon? how would Tim cope with that and move on? personality wise, they could not be more different. they dress and act and look different. they're not the same person, but there's certainly a questionable factor of Tim's dating history including two Kon-Els.
the idea i've had for a while is Tim slowly starting to date pre-Flashpoint!Kon again. it feels familiar and like home. and Tim has grieved and accepted that wherever New-52!Kon is, he doesn't want to come home, he didn't love TIm enough to stay and try. so Tim takes the Kon he has, and genuinely has a happy relationship. like for once, life is good and things almost make sense for Tim. but then, of course, New-52!Kon comes back. he decides he wants to try again and he finds Tim. only to find well. he's been replaced. and technically, he's been replaced with the *original* that he didn't even know *existed*. and if being a clone is bad enough, that just makes it a hundred times worse. because imagine knowing you're actually the second Kon-El your boyfriend who you never *technically* broke up with fell in love with. that's gotta give you some kind of complex.
so i think it's fun if both Kons try to step back and let the other Kon date Tim. both of them have reasons to feel like the "replacement" or "fake" Kon, and it makes them incredibly awkward with each other. do they count as the same person? bc they definitely don't *feel* like the same person to each other, but with weird timeline stuff, who can really say. them settling on an awkward throuple that's really meant to be Tim just dating them both but somehow they end up dating each other too is so fun for me. they both feel like imposters to the Superboy name but are so deeply in love with Tim Drake, it's the one thing truly connecting them. and then of course, Tim feels bad in that somehow, he's betraying both of them for having feelings for the other. but they make it work, with a lot of awkward angst and miscommunication. i just think it'd be fun. very difficult to write to get all the weird timeline nuances down in a way that's understandable in a fanfic (bc you can't just. infodump like i did on this post) but doable. also difficult to tag, because even though i argue these are two different characters, i'm pretty sure Ao3 groups them under the same character tag. so it'd be difficult to convey it's not *really* as selfcest-y as it would imply. comics, man. DC will never acknowledge New-52!Kon again, and he's admittedly a terrible adaptation of Kon-El, but. i think he was sort of neat in his own right and i'd *love* for DC to just inexplicably bring him back and make the current Kon deal with the consequences of all that. and them make Tim kiss them both. obviously.
#necrotic answerings#timkon#how do I tag this ship i'm so serious#kontimkon#I fucking *guess*?#also just plain Kon/Kon could be neat as well#I don't view it as selfcest. but like. I understand if ppl do#also if I got some details wrong i'm so sorry#I was tipsy writing this.#new-52!Kon you were a disaster child but come back from the war I miss you.#i'd need to reread the new-52 superboy and teen titans run to write this#just to be sure I've got a solid grasp on his character#pre-flashpoint!Kon I understand just fine he's my son I've read most of his content#new-52!Kon. eeeeeh. i've read it. years ago. and I'm not even sure if I actually read it all through or just bits and pieces#I hated him when he existed be like. he fucked up Kon so bad we fucking lost Kon for a couple years#but in hindsight. he had potential.#also if you want another bizarre fun fact about the new-52#Tim was never Robin in the new-52. he went straight to being Red Robin.#also his parents are alive and in witsec. do with that what you will.#weird times.#I guess new-52!Kon could've been erased by rebirth but I don't think he was?? bc characters have recalled his existence so?#hypothetically he *should* exist???#and if he doesn't#*oh well* I do what I want#DC you may not care about the implications of your retcons and reboots but I do. I do.#I want more fandom acknowledgement of Kon getting fucking erased from the timeline and no one remembering him#yes it's fun to make Clark a bad dad#but Kon was forgotten! by almost everyone! that's also fun!#young justice (2019) isn't the *best* comic ever but it's still solid! lots of good Kon whump I tell you.#he was fucking going *through* it that run I tell you. by God.
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the magisterium books should have let call and aaron griddlehark it up they should have shared a body and gotten weird and gay about it in my opinion....
#sharing a body and a line of conciousness with your boy best friend is awesome#i need somebody to draw them with the fucked up eye thing. hold on.#i've used that with my OCs before but it's okay because it's just really cool#i can reclaim this because i'm probably plural idk i got a job rn#my posts#magisterium#the magisterium#callum hunt#aaron stewart#calron#i'm not tagging tlt stuff#sorry#🧵
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Tina: It smells like [Bagi] in here. Kinda awesome.
Tina: [Sniffs] Mmm. Bagi's smell.
#TinaKitten#Tina#Teaduo#Bagina#December 28 2023#Oof I thought I could get a longer clip of this but apparently Tina's VOD from this day isn't archived. This is the best I can do sorry!#Anyhoo. If anyone's looking for a specific clip and/or wants to know what day a specific moment happened#my DMs are always open! I can't promise I'll know or be able to find everything but I've got a pretty good track record so far!#Poor frickin Empanada's admin going: '':D Anyways—''#I don't even think I clipped this I think I remember saving this clip thinking ''I should remember to clip this later'' and then never did#rip. I'll find that VOD eventually I'm sure#Empanada
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#Okay but consider#what if#girlfriends#*scrambles and tries to find moot's post about these two*#*realizes its gone and probably deleted*#uhh nevermind#its 2am I'm prob gonna regret posting this by the morning but whatever#(I HAVE GOT TO KMS)#I've never put ship art in my blog so be patient with me I'm nervous#been kinda unproductive for the last 2 weeks so I'm not in the best mood#really begging myself to make more content sorry for slow and crappy uploads#cookie run#cookie run tower of adventures#crtoa#jalapeño cookie#candy drop cookie#ship art#guys be honest should I make more ship art#Idk why it's so hard for me tbh I know that people don't really care nor judge#Ive shipped these two for like 2(?) months and I'm posting only now#I'm fighting demons help
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I think we should just bring back Wungo Wednesday and start a fandom collective anime rewatch
#Because otherwise I can feel I won't last much longer#Because like. The last two hyperfixations of mine ended the moment I started feeling like there wasn't any new content#And two days ago in one day I started a new manga a new book and rewatching a favourite show#Whereas I hadn't started anything new in the two years ever since I got into bsd. Which makes it NOT a good sign#But the bsd anime has now ended for one month and 25 days and that's the last time the plot actually moved forward.#And if I counted right. The manga took 4 chapters (that is chapters 110-111) to adapt 6 minutes#That means it's going to take another 12 months (18 minutes left to adapt. that's 12 more chapters) to catch up with the anime#Yeah I'm not. sticking around this long with nothing new to see I'm sorry#Best case scenario I take a one year hiatus but that doesn't make it sound likely that I'll be back#And I know it's fresh news as early as this morning that author said they were introducing a new character but like.#They also said they finished writing this arc like. One year and half ago if I remember correctly?#And we still have yet to see the end of i t so...#That is to say. I'll probably be starting an anime rewatch starting next Wednesday. I've been meaning to do it for a while anyway#I don't want to leave the fandom I like the one chapter a month format#On the positive news I still have a queue of original posts that spans over ten months#And I was meaning to start the reblogs queue too in these days. So there's that#random rambles
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#not to be a broken lil man on main#but I was on the phone with my dad for 30 minutes just now (that's a lot for a phone call with him) and like.... damn. yeah. i do have one#parent who's not horrible huh#we talked a lot about my plans for the future...... which I only now told him bcs scary and bcs........ I never ever during my 25 years of#being alive got the impression from my parents that something like this would be an acceptable career choice or something they'd support#and I mean. my [redacted] of a mother is the best example for how. not alright it is with her that I'm doing something that's not very...#traditional for this family#but anyways. my dad was absolutely fucking lovely#to the point that I get getting teary eyed and felt my throat closing up cause. huh. i guess in his own way he does love me and believe in#he asked me to send him a link or a pdf of my first conference report because he wants to keep it somewhere 😭😭😭😭😭😭#I'm....... ouch. ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch#you know the ghosting I am really good at with tumblr chats (sorry guys. ilu. I just suck at communication)???? i'm also extremely good at#that with whatsapp chats and just. not calling my irl loved ones#so idk. hearing him say he understands and just wanted to make sure I wasn't upset with him and like. wanted to know if I was doing okay.#damn. okay. damn#idk#this was such a good talk and he was so suppertive and non-judgemental and I actually told him about my birthday and how my mother's call#upset me and he was like. yeah. same. and like... he's basically gone no contact with her as well as it turns out#idk. I really should give him more credit and like... I feel like there's so much shifting and change and development happening while I'm n#not there and sometimes it's hard to remember that he actually /could/ understand some things. just cause I've always been so used to not#sharing anything about myself because it wasn't safe when I was younger and... idk........ lots of emotions going on rn#so glad we talked though. so glad#simon.out.#if you read all this.... idk man.... sorry for oversharing but thanks for caring ig <3
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ROBERT EVANS JUST OUTED HIMSELF AS A SUPERNATURAL FAN AND AS A DEAN GIRLIE I AM LOSING MY MINDDDDDD (X)
#Behind the Bastards#Robert Evans#BTB#SPN#Supernatural#Jared Padalecki#JarPad#Sam Winchester#Dean Winchester#talk about a fucking jumpscare#I was NOT expecting the JarPad name drop#nor the ensuing brother discourse#also Robert I'm sorry but you're wrong#They're BOTH the best Winchester brother#I WILL fight you on this#you may be way bigger than me#and have been in real world fights and combat situations#but I've got mania on my side rn#I feel like I could take on god and win#meet me in the Denny's parking lot with throwing bagels#op
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Important question:
What string is good for Kandi bracelets? Ive tried a few strings and I'm not sure which one I like best so I'm seeing if anyone here has any opinions. If you don't, that's okay! I'm just experimenting so I don't expect a solid answer right now!
#kai rambles#kais original post#kandi#I love making them and love experimenting with the beads I got and I'm getting myself more soon! yay!#I'll post pictures when I think they're worthy of selling but rn they're so sloppy lmao#I've been tempted to undo and redo some but idk#I might try cuffs again too once I find which string I like best because those are so so fun (yet hard)#agh sorry for rambling I'm just REALLY hyped for this hahah
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i have to be so real, i feel like i'm not intelligent enough to fully appreciate mgs as a series with all its themes and lore.. i'm nearly done with sons of liberty, might be able to finish tonight, but in the back of my head i keep thinking "girl you're already feeling kinda overwhelmed and this is just scratching the surface..." 💀 what i can say is that the more simplistic side of my lizard brain really appreciates looking at all these beautiful men........
#my hands want to draw so many of them HDGKJHGFS and i probably will at some point#sorry for mgs posting on my diego brando blog LOL#i thought maybe some newer followers would like to know that i'm still chugging along and enjoying myself 👍#i got hit with a pretty bad wave of depression so i've been saying offline and doing this instead#apologies for the dms i haven't answered i'm just not in the best headspace atm 😵💫
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#welp... 12hs in and i've already had my first frustration cry of the year#it's gotta be a new record lol#it's just lovely when you're talking and you're being interrupted for THE ENTIRE anecdote#and believe me i'm trying to power through the interruptions and pick up the thing again#like i'm doing my best! and i'm way better at it than I was#but i found that doing that doesn't stop the interruptions it just lefts me feel like an absolute idiot for not shutting up#and after the millionth time it happened#when even when I was able to speak i could see the other person looking completely at a different thing#and i could SEE the wheels turning in their head because they were thinking about whatever they were gonna say and interrupt me#when i finally stopped talking because what the fuck was the point#i have people getting angry AT ME#because ''oh i'm sorry i though you had finished talking...''#IN THE MIDDLE OF A SENTENCE?!#oh yeah sure i always finish talking in the middle of a sentence and also i always finish talking 500 times within one anecdote#yeah sure it was me of course I gave the signal...#if they were actually listening to me they would know one does not finish an anecdote in the middle of a new sentence#and also if they were actually hearing the contents of what i was saying... they would know i wasn't done#but anyways i left in silence (and then started crying idk why lol) because i didn't want to bring anything up#and then got people upset WITH ME?!#you know what? the powering through conversations and picking it up after being interrupted isn't working#i'm gonna revert back to just never saying anything cause what's the fucking point?!#angel talks#personal#first bummer post of the year lol
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